Villain Rehab by Andrew Henley

Tyler Durden (Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk) – The Rules Of Knitting Circle

  1. You do not talk about the Knitting Circle
  2. You do not talk about the Knitting Circle
  3. If your item starts to fray or unravel, the knitting is over
  4. Only two colours to an item
  5. You make one item at a time
  6. No embroidery, no cross stitch
  7. Knitting goes on as long as it takes for you to finish
  8. If this is your first evening at Knitting Circle, you have to bring biscuits


Sooner or later, Knitting Circle becomes the reason you do everything. The reason you wear outfits to accommodate jumpers, the reason you still wear scarves in the middle of summer. You see people walking around in clothes mass produced, made by machines. Then you see this one guy, wearing gloves full of holes, with a cardigan on over his shirt. Right now, he’s some loser waiter with no future. But for three hours on a Thursday evening when he made a matching mittens and bobble hat set, he was King. You don’t say anything and neither does he. Even if you did talk to him, you wouldn’t be talking to the same guy as you are on Thursday evenings.


Patrick Bateman (American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis) – I have abandoned the business world. It’s cold, compelling brutal nature that first drew me in now bores me, and I have moved onto something more suiting of my talents. I now run a gym and tanning studio business. With a workout routine adapted from my own, I have revolutionised America, all to the tunes of Phil Collins and Huey Lewis pumped over the speakers. With my great hair and flawless tan, the tanning studio was the next logical step. Join today and get the body you’ve always dreamt of! Women only.

Kevin Khatchadorian (We Need To Talk About Kevin, Lionel Shriver) – April 9th, 2001

Dear Franklin,

I finally told our son that I have continued to write to you. Even behind his rebellious façade – which I have noticed slowly slipping away recently – he did not mock me. He even gave me Cecilia’s glass back. He claimed it was only for fear it would get swiped and end up as a cheap gag, but I’d like to think he’s wanted me to have it all this time. I looked at it and wanted to be reminded of you and her, but you and her as I have tried so hard to remember you, rather than you and her in the garden as I am so often forced by my own imagination to remember you. But Kevin was right, it looked to me exactly as he said it looked to him; ‘spooky’.

But then something happened Franklin, something that I think could have happened long ago if only I’d made it happen. I asked him why. And he told me he was sorry. I don’t know why I eventually asked but I think I know why he told me he was sorry. Though he was revelled in the role of KK, impressing inmates with tales of Thursday, being a hero to them for living out their own fantasies and overreacting to any mention of the Lennon to his Ringo, Columbine, I think in that simple question in turned him back into simply Kevin Khatchadorian, my son and nothing more. And for what may have been the first time in his life, he loved me for it.