Obituaries by Andrew Henley

Alex DeLarge (A Clockwork Orange, Anthony Burgess) – Bog himself called our faithful droog after a real horrowshow bit of the old ultraviolence down the Korova Milkbar. Our humble droog swung his rookers at some ploogy but caught of jab off the ploogy’s britva and was called by Bog as he lay there in his krovvy.

Patrick Bateman (American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis) – A respected businessman and resected citizen; he met his untimely end following a knife wound from a deranged attacker, thought to be a prostitute. Signs of a struggle in the apartment and scratches on the woman herself suggest the attacker broke in. Well-known throughout the city for his love of fine tailoring, toned physique and charming way with women, he will be sorely missed by those who knew him.

Cassie Wright (Snuff, Chuck Palahniuk) – A leading lady in her own niche field of acting, she died as a result of injuries sustained during her successful attempt to break Annabel Chong’s world record. Known for such films as Catch Her In The Eye and Gropes Of Wrath, her world record attempt allowed her to get close to her loyal fans. Closest of all was her friend and fellow actor Branch Bacardi, who also died of his injuries, a man who had resuscitated her years early when they filmed their first movie together, Frisky Business better known by its reissue title, World Whore One. Witnesses claim the pair died in a pose befitting their long and illustrious career.

Piggy (Lord Of The Flies, William Golding) – A wise and true friend who remained the voice of reason, democracy and sense while on the island. The last of three boys to perish on the island, he died after a fall through the air on Castle Rock, bravely clutching the conch trying to save the other boys from themselves.

Holden Caulfield (The Catcher In The Rye, J.D. Salinger) – He passed away in hospital after a long fought battle with tuberculosis. Beloved brother of D.B., Phoebe and the late Allie, he was well liked in hospital and known for his alternative view on life, as he often read from his diary to hospital staff and fellow patients, once remarking ‘Who wants flowers when they’re in the ground? Nobody’. So, in lieu of flowers, he had asked that people donate to the Museum Of Natural History.

Julian (Less Than Zero, Bret Easton Ellis) – You can disappear here without knowing it. I said that to him once. I don’t think he knew what I meant. I don’t think he knew what anything meant anymore. He told me how people were afraid to merge, but I don’t think he knew how much he’d have to merge to get by. He didn’t kick his habit, and he disappeared.

Vaughan (Crash, J.G. Ballard) – Called the ‘nightmare angel of the highways’ by his friends, the well-known racing photographer was famous for the eccentric approach he took to his career. In death he was able to fulfil his lifelong wish to experience a head on car crash with Elizabeth Taylor.

Lux Lisbon (The Virgin Suicides) – The pretty teenager and her sisters took their own lives on the anniversary of their youngest sister Cecilia’s first suicide attempt. After Cecilia had failed to end her life by slitting her wrists, she impaled herself on a garden few two weeks later. From Cecilia’s death, the girls had been locked away from the world, but for this tragic teenager escapism came as she invited several boys onto the rooftop for sex atop the sandpaper slates. On the day of their deaths, she distracted her sisters boyfriend’s to allow the sisters to commit suicide too. Bonnie hanged herself, Mary put her head in the oven and Therese ingested a bottle of sleeping pills, while the girl herself pumped her car full of carbon monoxide after driving the boys home. Paramedics called to the house afterwards recall her bra draped over her crucifix as one of the lasting images of the Lisbon sister’s suicides.